Standing in line at the grocery store, doe-eyed pop starlets in tight corsets pose with come-hither bedroom eyes next to the quotes from their interview that will best sell the issue: "I never get along with other women…"
Allow me to preface this by saying that this is a touchy subject.
It is my belief that a large number of women mistakenly believe that loudly proclaiming their aversion to the same sex is some sort of selling point to men. If a woman doesn't get along well with other women, then the other women must be the real issue; jealous of how successful / attractive / confident the first woman is. The first woman describes how she has a friendship base made up of primarily men and she truly enjoys domestic beer, fart jokes, and ESPN. Yeah. Right. Gentlemen, this might not be an act all the time but I promise you that most of time you hear this story, you are being had. This woman is probably the opposite of independent and balanced. She has probably burned all of her bridges with her female friends by being too competitive, inconsiderate, emotionally distant and/or insecure.
But lest you think I'm judging, I've been there. Every woman falls prey to the competition at some point in her life or another. If another woman is eyeing my boyfriend, all hell might break loose. No one is perfect. We are just creatures, after all, and instinct tells us to protect our status and our partners by any means necessary, even if other women get verbally or emotionally trampled in the process. Little girls un-invite one another from tea parties when a line has been crossed on the kindergarten playground, college girls in bars give one another cold elevator eyes-- assessing the other's outfits, bodies, make-up and hair from top to bottom disapprovingly or worse-- approvingly, older women attempt to make a more beautiful home, under eat and out spend one another.
I can't even count the number of close girlfriends who have confessed to me that they "hated" me when we first met. I've heard plenty of descriptions of first encounters and how they believed I was stuck-up. I have been on the opposite end of this far too many times as well. One example? I detested a girl named Tara in my sophomore algebra class because she knew all the answers and was unapologetically beautiful at 8:00 in the morning three days per week. Today, she is one of my fiercest friends.
I've often had the misfortune of being disliked by other women. The good news is that most of them didn't (and don't) really know me. Here's the kicker: The injustice of being misunderstood by another woman is one of the deepest wounds I've ever felt. As women, we are so tuned into the universe. We make babies, we turn houses into homes, we juggle our careers with caring for everyone around us. To not be tuned into female strangers' good qualities really hurts because it would be so easy if we were just more patient with one another. If only we could be given the chance to sit down over coffee and explain. If only we hadn't had four people between us relaying our opinions about one another without ever having had an actual conversation. I am not who she thinks I am. Sadly, this is probably true for most of the women that I claim to dislike: I just never gave them a chance.
One of my favorite things about being out on a late Friday or Saturday night is the women's restroom. Inevitably there are women loitering around the sink, most a bit drunk, smearing on lipstick and pulling combs through their hair, all loudly complimenting each other and demanding to know where the other gets her hair cut, bought those pants, which yoga studio? Oh, and they're usually strangers. Why isn't it always like this? Why does it take four mojitos each for us to be loving and openly conversational, the way we were built? Women nurture their boyfriends and husbands, some who hardly deserve it (yeah, I said it), until the sun goes down yet we can't look each other in the eye and say, "I'm here for you, no matter what," without turning around and gossiping madly?
I don't think this blog post will ignite a feminist revolution but every little voice matters. I'm here to tell any women reading that it is not sexy or cool to hate other women based on gender alone. We owe one another a whole lot more than that.
0 comments:
Post a Comment